electric blanket

am having coffee and falafel on the edgeware road a small rotund guy with a couple of days growth on his face interrupts my chain of thought to ask if he can sit opposite. i look and see other spare chairs but no empty tables.
sure, i tell him and return to thinking what a hellhole gridlocked London can be? where can I go to escape?
when the waiter comes to take his order the little man looks at my plate and cup and orders, “the same as this gentleman please but with a glass of tap water. not mineral water, tap water. ”
he smiles across at me. and i nod.
halfway through his food he stops eating. i taste the cold dregs of coffee in my cup and order some mint tea.
“you like women right? ” he asks running his tongue between his teeth and the wall of his mouth.
“i suppose i do,” i reply curious to where this line might lead on to.
“i have found an extraordinary sexual technique, he says with a hand to his face acting as a barrier.
you and her take a very hot shower and get really clean. whilst you are doing that you have turned on the electric blanket to full. you get her into that bed which is now a duvet oven and you fuck like crazy. really, really fast. no being lazy about it. the hearts beats so fast and the head feels like it will explode and you are both dripping with sweat. it’s so good my friend i tell you.”
that night i sit with a hot water bottle at my feet drinking tea. reading some old letters of a love that used to be. then i look up Amazon. just to see how much an electric blanket costs. i mean, it probably works with masturbation too.


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