Brigitte Badoit – are you taking the piss?

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Daytime TV was not what she wanted. Not that insidious creature behind the desk who was politely, sceptically, asking her questions about her life and work. Talk show host. Cute laughing boy with a permanent smile. She had thought a documentary on Arté. But her agent insisted that this was great exposure. Do you know how many people tune in to that show?
Our next guest is a performance and installation artist. Ladies and gentleman I’m sure that most of you will be unaware of Brigitte’s work. But she has a piece currently on show at the Turbine Hall at the Tate Modern.
Brigitte makes her entrance. She’s wearing heels. She thought of wearing Converse but couldn’t find her red pair. Shoes can sometimes be a problem. Choosing the right pair for the occasion was.
Brigitte welcome to the show. In my mind an extraordinary work. Hundreds, if not thousands of Badoit bottles. Brigitte can you tell the audience what’s in those bottles because it’s not mineral water is it.
It’s urine. My urine. I’m sure there must be mineral traces in it.
Ok darling it’s not really what the average person does. Going around filling bottles up like that.
Well, the only averages I’m thinking of is numbers concerning current projects. I was using the body and by-products as a statement. For example for every six litres I drank the body absorbed one point seven five. I began to wonder what sort of volume comes out the human body over five or ten years. How much space it would occupy. I thought of exhibiting as a pond or pool.
The host looks at her and then to the audience. Did you just drink Badoit or were there any other brands in there?
The audience laughs.
It was really down to money. Badoit were interested in sponsoring the project and I went with them. I mean there’s green tea and lots of coffee in there too.
I know it might appear juvenile but how does a lady get her wee wee into one of those bottles. I mean it’s a bit easier for us boys we have that tube like protuberance.
I carried a funnel everywhere I went. And I got lots of practise.
The audience laugh and a couple of people clap.
Will you be following up this work with more bodily function excretions or something quite different?
Oh I run in all directions. But after the show I’m probably going to become a mermaid again and slip back into the sea.
Brigitte it was lovely having you on the show. Tomorrow my guests on the show will be…

Brigitte pressed the remote power button. The image disappeared. She went to the kitchen and boiled the kettle. There was a bit missing from the programme. Where the talk show host asked her about current projects. She had told him she was interested in the amount males masturbate and how much ejaculate they produce. It didn’t have to be confined to one age group. She envisioned the work as a massive display of glass thin slides. He had laughed and the audience laughed too but someone else hadn’t . The edit is a powerful mechanism.

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