Should I have known better…better you should Know

where and why…vodka gives me indigestion and I wake…or is it anxiety…lie in the dark listening to the wind blow the tree just beyond the window…why didn’t I go back to the island sooner and make good for the coming winter. Re acclimatise myself to the conditions, to the people and the circumstance presented to me….where and why…again the figure of the black angel is present…lured like the foolish sailor to the siren never realising the calculation of the course coordinates are completely wrong…the lone wolf…lost, lonely, misguided, secrets, lies, confusion…the wolf is a lamb…what are the origins of love…what love…which love…is there enough warmth within to survive autumn, winter and rekindle the spirit, the soul by the coming spring…the tree’s foliage sways swishing where the breeze on my last visit was warm is now replaced by a chill…why and where…asked, the heart summons, fatalistic by definition, folly by notion, intuitively knowing that the gesture is empty of return, a drama played out not knowing when the improvisation and performance…why did the black angel want you here when now a sense of doubt has been planted and the word secret has been uttered. secret…lie…falsification…Acedia…anxiety disrupts sleep allied by…does it matter, not really…where? In the ruined city of lovers with diaries and journals of intimate lives…go home peasant, go home plebeian, go back mongrel…

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